Leave it to the Millennials – with 40 active wars currently being waged around the world, they decided to start one more: “The War Against the Aged.” All of a sudden these self-absorbed children of the selfie’ born between 1981 and 1996 are publicly accusing us, the babies born into the post-war economic boom of being solely responsible for the mess this world is in.

Seriously, have these screen-addicted, mirror-loving, job-hopping, pseudo intellectuals forgotten what we, The Boomers, have contributed to their world? We gave them Elvis and the Beatles, the 1972 Summit Series, seatbelts and the pill, a 40-hour-work week and national healthcare, recreational drugs and the Pocket Fisherman. We gave them the transistor radio, Gilligan’s Island, and the Ed Sullivan Show. (To understand why every generation hates the previous one, Google: “Ed Sullivan won’t allow teenagers watch Elvis shake his pelvis.”)

Forty years old today, we gave them Happy Meals for goodness sake and a drive-thru so they could pick up their food without putting down their phones.

Even Millennials, “The Trophy Kids” who were rewarded for just showing up, cannot deny that on a personal level we provided the cream for their precious coffee and transfat margarine for their whole-wheat toast and alcohol when they were feeling down and barbiturates to bring them back up again and theme parks with live whales to entertain them. We even legalized marijuana so they could forget everything I just mentioned while binge-watching Game of Thrones and waiting for the Domino’s Pizza guy to deliver Chinese food. And look at all the money we lent them to go to college?!?

And a trillion cars out there on the road all at once and gazzillion gallons of oil and gas to keep them going. And plastics, enough plastic bags to cover the oceans and…

Okay, they may have a point. We Baby Boomers really have turned this planet into a bit of a cesspool. But, um...well, we meant well. We really did. Our parents didn’t want us to be tough and going off to war like them. They wanted us to be well off and comfortable and that we became.

Still, in the ‘60s we set out to change the world, end the wars, bring down status quo and share the world’s resources equally while providing for the less fortunate.

Then somebody whispered in our ears: “The job pays $36,000 a year and comes with a company car.” And instead of marching or volunteering or joining Canadian University Students Overseas and making the third world a healthier and wealthier place, thereby eliminating terrorism and mass migration before it even began, most of us said: “Two weeks paid vacation and put us on the pension plan.”

And so, the deal was sealed. We came to that generational fork in the road and instead of taking the hard way, the pot-holed, pit-falled highway of world reform, we slipped down Easy Street. We got fat, we got soft, we got back 7 per cent annually on our investment portfolios.

But the most recent shot fired by the Millennials across the bow of the good ship Boomer is an ageist, disrespectful insult to anyone over 55. “Ok Boomer.” Delivered with rolling eyes and dripping sarcasm, Millennials are now publicly dismissing us with a popular “Yeah, yeah. Who cares? Whatever?” slur. “Ok Boomer.” We may be contrite, but we’re still relevant, damn it!

Let me tell you what’s going to happen to the next molly-coddled Millennial who confronts a man of my age with “Ok Boomer.” I am going to kick you in the groin. Sorry, the knee. Okay, the shin.

Alright, but I swear I will step on your toes really, really hard. lso, I’ll give you a serious wedgie which by the way, we also gave the world.

No, wait. Here’s how we’ll respond to “Ok Boomer.” First, we’ll come to where you live. No, not your parent’s basement, that’s where you sleep. Imagine hordes of old people coming to Starbucks, sitting silently across the table from you and drinking weak-ass instant coffee from styrofoam cups! And right before your very eyes we’ll add refined sugar and powdered whitener and stir it with a plastic straw.

And then we’ll grab your iPhone and get a selfie of you spewing into a six-dollar monogrammed cup of Double Pumpkin Spice Latte Frappuccino. And as you’re running to get away from us, we’ll give you another wedgie. We Boomers should be grateful to Millennial’s for one thing: if it wasn’t for them, we’d be the most spoiled generation ever!

The young can have no concept of wisdom and therefore they naturally ignore their elders who by the time they earn it, are only too eager to share it. Every generation blames the previous age group for all the woes of the world and therein lies the catch. By the time the Millennials get off their high horses to get mobilized, two things will have happened.

The next age group – and I hope it’s called The Greta Generation as in Thunberg – will be blaming you Millennials for all their problems and by then you won’t have a punching bag because most of us Boomers will be dead. The generational hate game: it’s like a round of musical chairs played at a wake.

William Thomas is a humour columnist. For comments, ideas and copies of The True Story of Wainfleet, go to www.williamthomas.ca.

Leave it to the Millennials – with 40 active wars currently being waged around the world, they decided to start one more: “The War Against the Aged.” All of a sudden these self-absorbed children of the selfie’ born between 1981 and 1996 are publicly accusing us, the babies born into the post-war economic boom of being solely responsible for the mess this world is in.

Seriously, have these screen-addicted, mirror-loving, job-hopping, pseudo intellectuals forgotten what we, The Boomers, have contributed to their world? We gave them Elvis and the Beatles, the 1972 Summit Series, seatbelts and the pill, a 40-hour-work week and national healthcare, recreational drugs and the Pocket Fisherman. We gave them the transistor radio, Gilligan’s Island, and the Ed Sullivan Show. (To understand why every generation hates the previous one, Google: “Ed Sullivan won’t allow teenagers watch Elvis shake his pelvis.”)

Forty years old today, we gave them Happy Meals for goodness sake and a drive-thru so they could pick up their food without putting down their phones.

Even Millennials, “The Trophy Kids” who were rewarded for just showing up, cannot deny that on a personal level we provided the cream for their precious coffee and transfat margarine for their whole-wheat toast and alcohol when they were feeling down and barbiturates to bring them back up again and theme parks with live whales to entertain them. We even legalized marijuana so they could forget everything I just mentioned while binge-watching Game of Thrones and waiting for the Domino’s Pizza guy to deliver Chinese food. And look at all the money we lent them to go to college?!?

And a trillion cars out there on the road all at once and gazzillion gallons of oil and gas to keep them going. And plastics, enough plastic bags to cover the oceans and…

Okay, they may have a point. We Baby Boomers really have turned this planet into a bit of a cesspool. But, um...well, we meant well. We really did. Our parents didn’t want us to be tough and going off to war like them. They wanted us to be well off and comfortable and that we became.

Still, in the ‘60s we set out to change the world, end the wars, bring down status quo and share the world’s resources equally while providing for the less fortunate.

Then somebody whispered in our ears: “The job pays $36,000 a year and comes with a company car.” And instead of marching or volunteering or joining Canadian University Students Overseas and making the third world a healthier and wealthier place, thereby eliminating terrorism and mass migration before it even began, most of us said: “Two weeks paid vacation and put us on the pension plan.”

And so, the deal was sealed. We came to that generational fork in the road and instead of taking the hard way, the pot-holed, pit-falled highway of world reform, we slipped down Easy Street. We got fat, we got soft, we got back 7 per cent annually on our investment portfolios.

But the most recent shot fired by the Millennials across the bow of the good ship Boomer is an ageist, disrespectful insult to anyone over 55. “Ok Boomer.” Delivered with rolling eyes and dripping sarcasm, Millennials are now publicly dismissing us with a popular “Yeah, yeah. Who cares? Whatever?” slur. “Ok Boomer.” We may be contrite, but we’re still relevant, damn it!

Let me tell you what’s going to happen to the next molly-coddled Millennial who confronts a man of my age with “Ok Boomer.” I am going to kick you in the groin. Sorry, the knee. Okay, the shin.

Alright, but I swear I will step on your toes really, really hard. lso, I’ll give you a serious wedgie which by the way, we also gave the world.

No, wait. Here’s how we’ll respond to “Ok Boomer.” First, we’ll come to where you live. No, not your parent’s basement, that’s where you sleep. Imagine hordes of old people coming to Starbucks, sitting silently across the table from you and drinking weak-ass instant coffee from styrofoam cups! And right before your very eyes we’ll add refined sugar and powdered whitener and stir it with a plastic straw.

And then we’ll grab your iPhone and get a selfie of you spewing into a six-dollar monogrammed cup of Double Pumpkin Spice Latte Frappuccino. And as you’re running to get away from us, we’ll give you another wedgie. We Boomers should be grateful to Millennial’s for one thing: if it wasn’t for them, we’d be the most spoiled generation ever!

The young can have no concept of wisdom and therefore they naturally ignore their elders who by the time they earn it, are only too eager to share it. Every generation blames the previous age group for all the woes of the world and therein lies the catch. By the time the Millennials get off their high horses to get mobilized, two things will have happened.

The next age group – and I hope it’s called The Greta Generation as in Thunberg – will be blaming you Millennials for all their problems and by then you won’t have a punching bag because most of us Boomers will be dead. The generational hate game: it’s like a round of musical chairs played at a wake.

William Thomas is a humour columnist. For comments, ideas and copies of The True Story of Wainfleet, go to www.williamthomas.ca.

Leave it to the Millennials – with 40 active wars currently being waged around the world, they decided to start one more: “The War Against the Aged.” All of a sudden these self-absorbed children of the selfie’ born between 1981 and 1996 are publicly accusing us, the babies born into the post-war economic boom of being solely responsible for the mess this world is in.

Seriously, have these screen-addicted, mirror-loving, job-hopping, pseudo intellectuals forgotten what we, The Boomers, have contributed to their world? We gave them Elvis and the Beatles, the 1972 Summit Series, seatbelts and the pill, a 40-hour-work week and national healthcare, recreational drugs and the Pocket Fisherman. We gave them the transistor radio, Gilligan’s Island, and the Ed Sullivan Show. (To understand why every generation hates the previous one, Google: “Ed Sullivan won’t allow teenagers watch Elvis shake his pelvis.”)

Forty years old today, we gave them Happy Meals for goodness sake and a drive-thru so they could pick up their food without putting down their phones.

Even Millennials, “The Trophy Kids” who were rewarded for just showing up, cannot deny that on a personal level we provided the cream for their precious coffee and transfat margarine for their whole-wheat toast and alcohol when they were feeling down and barbiturates to bring them back up again and theme parks with live whales to entertain them. We even legalized marijuana so they could forget everything I just mentioned while binge-watching Game of Thrones and waiting for the Domino’s Pizza guy to deliver Chinese food. And look at all the money we lent them to go to college?!?

And a trillion cars out there on the road all at once and gazzillion gallons of oil and gas to keep them going. And plastics, enough plastic bags to cover the oceans and…

Okay, they may have a point. We Baby Boomers really have turned this planet into a bit of a cesspool. But, um...well, we meant well. We really did. Our parents didn’t want us to be tough and going off to war like them. They wanted us to be well off and comfortable and that we became.

Still, in the ‘60s we set out to change the world, end the wars, bring down status quo and share the world’s resources equally while providing for the less fortunate.

Then somebody whispered in our ears: “The job pays $36,000 a year and comes with a company car.” And instead of marching or volunteering or joining Canadian University Students Overseas and making the third world a healthier and wealthier place, thereby eliminating terrorism and mass migration before it even began, most of us said: “Two weeks paid vacation and put us on the pension plan.”

And so, the deal was sealed. We came to that generational fork in the road and instead of taking the hard way, the pot-holed, pit-falled highway of world reform, we slipped down Easy Street. We got fat, we got soft, we got back 7 per cent annually on our investment portfolios.

But the most recent shot fired by the Millennials across the bow of the good ship Boomer is an ageist, disrespectful insult to anyone over 55. “Ok Boomer.” Delivered with rolling eyes and dripping sarcasm, Millennials are now publicly dismissing us with a popular “Yeah, yeah. Who cares? Whatever?” slur. “Ok Boomer.” We may be contrite, but we’re still relevant, damn it!

Let me tell you what’s going to happen to the next molly-coddled Millennial who confronts a man of my age with “Ok Boomer.” I am going to kick you in the groin. Sorry, the knee. Okay, the shin.

Alright, but I swear I will step on your toes really, really hard. lso, I’ll give you a serious wedgie which by the way, we also gave the world.

No, wait. Here’s how we’ll respond to “Ok Boomer.” First, we’ll come to where you live. No, not your parent’s basement, that’s where you sleep. Imagine hordes of old people coming to Starbucks, sitting silently across the table from you and drinking weak-ass instant coffee from styrofoam cups! And right before your very eyes we’ll add refined sugar and powdered whitener and stir it with a plastic straw.

And then we’ll grab your iPhone and get a selfie of you spewing into a six-dollar monogrammed cup of Double Pumpkin Spice Latte Frappuccino. And as you’re running to get away from us, we’ll give you another wedgie. We Boomers should be grateful to Millennial’s for one thing: if it wasn’t for them, we’d be the most spoiled generation ever!

The young can have no concept of wisdom and therefore they naturally ignore their elders who by the time they earn it, are only too eager to share it. Every generation blames the previous age group for all the woes of the world and therein lies the catch. By the time the Millennials get off their high horses to get mobilized, two things will have happened.

The next age group – and I hope it’s called The Greta Generation as in Thunberg – will be blaming you Millennials for all their problems and by then you won’t have a punching bag because most of us Boomers will be dead. The generational hate game: it’s like a round of musical chairs played at a wake.

Baby Carrier Car Seat

William Thomas is a humour columnist. For comments, ideas and copies of The True Story of Wainfleet, go to www.williamthomas.ca.

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